Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
