It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The power of my boobs compel you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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