we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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