You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize