as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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