I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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