She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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