Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
