im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
