Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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