Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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