U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
