is your mom at the bar?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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