When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize