I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
