Will you blow on my dice?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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