This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
