You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
