All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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