im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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