I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
