are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
