Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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