My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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