i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...