Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again