i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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