im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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