forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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