The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
These tits shall not be calmed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
