if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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