i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
