Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
