I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
