i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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