I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
