dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
one might say we're banned from that church
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
