I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
