If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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