Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
