she woke up with a sticky ear
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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