Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
