Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
