Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
