I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
