I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
