you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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