I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
