Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
