Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
