Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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