I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
