i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
