guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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