my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
