i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
