To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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