Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
