You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
