Nicole vs. Life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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