just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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