woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
