I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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