He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize