happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
