Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
