i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
