I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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