Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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